Ways Your Loved Ones Interpret Love

Each of us have different ways in which we see love and acceptance.  For some of us kind words make us feel valuable.  For others the giving of gifts or special time with our loved ones makes us happy,  Understanding the way those close to you feel loved makes it much easier to bless them.

The book The Five Love Languages describes these ways of showing love.  Dr. Gary Chapman, has written several books on this subject.  He discusses ways to show love to your spouse, children, friends, and family.  Below look over the love languages and decide which are yours.  Which make you feel understood and appreciated?

 

Words of affirmation

One way to express love emotionally is to use words that build up. Solomon, author of ancient Hebrew Wisdom Literature, wrote, “The tongue has the power of life and death” (Proverbs 18:21, NIV). Many families have never learned the tremendous power of verbally affirming each other.  Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love. They are best expressed in simple, straightforward statements of affirmation, such as:  “You look sharp in that suit.”  “You are such a loving son!”  “I really like how you think of ways to help me.”    “You can always make me laugh.”

Words of affirmationare one of the five basic love languages. Within that language, however, there are many dialects. All of the dialects have in common the use of words to affirm your family. Psychologist William James said that possibly the deepest human need is the need to feel appreciated. Words of affirmation will meet that need in many individuals.

Quality time

By “quality time,” I mean giving someone your undivided attention. I don’t mean sitting on the couch watching television together. When you spend time that way, Netflix or HBO has your attention — not your child. What I mean is sitting on the couch with the TV off, looking at each other and talking, devices put away, giving each other your undivided attention. It means taking a walk, just the two of you, or going out to eat and looking at each other and talking.

Time is a precious commodity. We all have multiple demands on our time, yet each of us has the exact same hours in a day. We can make the most of those hours by committing some of them to those we love. If your child’s primary love language is quality time, she simply wants you, being with her, spending time.

Receiving gifts

Almost everything ever written on the subject of love indicates that at the heart of love is the spirit of giving. All five love languages challenge us to give to our family, but for some, receiving gifts, visible symbols of love, speaks the loudest.

A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, “Look, he was thinking of me,” or, “She remembered me.” You must be thinking of someone to give him or her a gift. The gift itself is a symbol of that thought. It doesn’t matter whether it costs money. What is important is that you thought of him or her. And it is not the thought implanted only in the mind that counts but the thought expressed in actually securing the gift and giving it as the expression of love.

But what of the person who says, “I’m not a gift giver. I didn’t receive many gifts growing up. I never learned how to select gifts. It doesn’t come naturally for me.” Congratulations, you have just made the first discovery in becoming a great lover. You and your loved one speak different love languages. Now that you have made that discovery, get on with the business of learning your second language. If your child’s primary love language is receiving gifts, you can become a proficient gift giver. In fact, it is one of the easiest love languages to learn.

Acts of service

Michelle’s primary love language was what I call “acts of service.” By acts of service, I mean doing things you know your child would like you to do. You seek to please her by serving her, to express your love for her by doing things for her.

For adults consider actions such as cooking a meal, setting a table, emptying the dishwasher, vacuuming, changing the baby’s diaper, picking up a prescription, keeping the car in operating condition — they are all acts of service. They require thought, planning, time, effort and energy. If done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love.  For your child it can be as simple as reading a book, playing peek-a-boo, taking a walk together, going to the park, playing catch on the floor with a big ball, the possibilities are endless!

A willingness to examine and change stereotypes is necessary in order to express love more effectively. Remember, there are no rewards for maintaining stereotypes, but there are tremendous benefits to meeting the emotional needs of those you love. If your spouse’s love language is acts of service, then “actions speak louder than words.”

Physical touch

We have long known that physical touch is a way of communicating emotional love. Numerous research projects in the area of child development have made that conclusion: Babies who are held, stroked and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact.

Physical touch is also a powerful vehicle for communicating love. For some individuals, physical touchis their primary love language. Without it, they feel unloved. With it, their emotional tank is filled, and they feel secure in the love of their family members.

Implicit love touches require little time but much thought, especially if physical touch is not your primary love language and if you did not grow up in a “touching family.” Sitting close to each other as you watch your favorite television program, sit in the car, or wait at a restaurant requires no additional time but may communicate your love loudly. Touching your spouse as you walk through the room where he is sitting takes only a moment. Touching each other when you leave the house and again when you return may involve only a brief kiss or hug but will speak volumes to your spouse.

Once you discover that physical touch is the primary love language of your spouse, you are limited only by your imagination on ways to express love.

 

Dr. Gary Chapman is a family counselor, radio host, associate pastor and author of several books, including The Five Love Languages and One More Try.

Stress and Life With Little Ones

I am reminded of this issue again through many recent incidences in my practice.  Learning how to diagnose stress in your life, and conquer it is a must.  Unless you are better than most, you live in a stressed out home where way too much activity is the norm.  You and your spouse require more of yourselves and each other than is humanly possible.  The problem is sooner or later something has to give.  Either you will be upset with yourselves or each other.  It is a huge discipline to avoid this madness.  It takes work!

On a regular basis your family needs to assess this issue.  The goal, peace and rest in your relationship and your home.  Your children are learning about life as they watch you.  Help them learn how to manage their lives wisely.  Slow down when you realize you are over extended.  Evaluate the important things, say “No” to other activities when you need time together as a family.  Learn how to read the signs in yourself.  Are you easily upset? Does the thought of another activity sound awful?  Do you miss just sitting the the backyard or park chatting with a friend while the kids entertain themselves?

When my kids were little the only time I found myself screaming at them was when I had too many responsibilities on my plate.  I stressed myself out through over commitment, and then was frustrated with the situation.  Little ones could not keep up with the schedule I created, so I took my frustration out on them.  Not O.K..

Take time to listen to your little ones.  Sit on the floor and look at them eye to eye.  Cuddle with them, hold them in you lap as you read them their favorite book.  This relaxed calm time is vital to them and you.  As much as possible push away the frantic pace our world accepts and enjoy these moments with your kids.  They are irreplaceable for you both.

Homeopathic Remedy for Infant Gas Symptoms

Anise tea has long been a homeopathic remedy for infants struggling with symptoms of digestive gas.  For the majority of newborns the first three months of life involve gas pains.  Their digestive tracks simply take time to acclimate to life outside the womb.  In many cultures tea made by adding boiling water to crushed Anise seeds, and letting it steep, brings relief.

There are many suggestions on line for how to manage this.  There are also differing opinions on the topic.  Using anise tea once a day for a few days should not be a problem.   This is not something you would continually use over time.  You could occasionally add it to baby’s bottle to avoid possible gas pains.  I would only use it to relieve gas symptoms as they are occurring.  The ratio I am aware of is 1/2 teaspoon crushed anise seeds to 2 cups boiling water.  Prepare the tea, store it in the refrigerator.  Add 2 teaspoons tea to two ounces of formula or breastmilk.

Please read the following articles to answer your questions.  This information was passed on to me from a new mom whose mother used this remedy for her and her siblings.  Grandma said to use this once a day, sparingly.  Do not overmedicate your baby!!       JUDY

https://www.webmd.com/vitamins/ai/ingredientmono-582/anise

https://holisticzine.com/anise-seed-for-babies

https://www.leaf.tv/articles/what-is-the-difference-between-star-anise-anise-seed/

 

Tea vs Coffee, Health Benefits of Both

The age old discussion of tea vs coffee has been raging.  Those on each side of the argument have their opinions.  Science has found good things in both concoctions.   The bottom line is which do you like best?  This discussion surfaced in my research to discover whether hot tea is better for you than cold!

Enjoy,  JUDY

Below find several articles on the subject.  Please share any you have found helpful.

 

10 Benefits of Drinking Tea Over Coffee.    Chris Haigh

Writer, baker, co-host of “Good Evening Podcast” and “North By Nerdwest”.

https://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/10-benefits-drinking-tea-over-coffee.html

 

Cold Tea Vs Hot Tea Health Benefits

https://www.amazing-green-tea.com/cold-tea.html

 

13 Reasons Tea Is Good for You

Tea or coffee? Consider these health benefits of tea and the next time you have to choose, you may skip the joe

By Laura Newcomer | Greatist.com   Sept. 04, 2012

http://healthland.time.com/2012/09/04/13-reasons-to-love-tea/

 

What Are the Benefits of Drinking Tea Hot Vs. Cold?

By Krista Sheehan

https://www.livestrong.com/article/268754-what-are-the-benefits-of-drinking-tea-hot-vs-cold/

 

The Myth of Month 4 Sleep Regression

This is a controversial position, to say the least!  The buzz is: there is now and has always been 4 month sleep regression.  You can buy books, watch videos, and fret about it earnestly.  However, this is a new diagnosis.  No one heard of 4 month sleep regression until very recently.  Why?

My motto for mothering is “Don’t borrow trouble.”  This encourages one to look at the problem and deal with it rather than looking ahead for problems that might surface.  New parents are faced with so many new things they need to do to succeed.  It frustrates me that the infant supply industry would take advantage of these folks.  I would rather make things simple than complicate them.

If a baby is having sleeping trouble lets figure out the problem.  This gives new parents a feeling of success and hope.  It helps them see themselves as in control rather than victims of unwinable trials.

In order to evaluate this lets look at the circumstances surrounding most infants at four months of age.  If a mother is going to return to work this is usually when her maternity leave is over.  Perhaps there has been an illness in the nuclear family.  Maybe the family has had to switch living venues or locations.  How does this affect a baby?  How does it affect mommy and the rest of the family?  What other factors apply?

Mommy returning to work can be a huge emotional conflict for her.  If she has enjoyed her time with baby, passing this torch on to another is difficult.  This situation in her heart affects baby.  She has to interview others with the intent of having them replace her in caring for her child.  That is a tough thing to go through.  If she is unable to find suitable help she struggles.  There are the financial ramifications, concerns for the safety of her baby, scheduling issues, and on and on.  Just talking about it brings up stress.

There are not many ways in an infants life that things like this can be expressed.  Baby can’t talk about it even though he feels it.  Thus, baby, who may have been doing well in sleeping, finds it disrupted.  Understanding why this happens in your baby’s life gives you the ability to resolve it.  There are many options for streamlining such issues and helping mommy and baby find peace.

In an effort not to overwhelm this audience I will not approach other issues in this entry!  Please share you thoughts.  My hope is to serve and learn through this blog!

Articles on Sleep Regression to follow

JUDY

 

https://www.nestedbean.com/blogs/zen-blog/4-month-sleep-regression

FYI: Tomorrow, September 4th….

The Costco coupon booklet came out they week!  For those of you who use Huggies little snuggles diapers there is a $9 off deal!!!  The newborn package has 124 diapers and a package of wipes for $29.99 before the price savings!   This deal will run from September 4th through September 29th.  I encourage you to stock up, remember to purchase larger sizes for later!  If you do not have a Costco card, find a friend or relative who does.  They can purchase your diapers and you can give them cash or a check on the spot.

Happy Saving,  JUDY

Making the Best of the Chaos

As I observe more of life I encourage the families with whom I work to find peace in the business and chaos of raising little ones.  Life is messy, this is a given.  No matter how well we plan or consider “stuff happens”!!!!  We can not stay on top of everything.  The true magic to life is learning to find peace in the middle of the “crazy”.  For new mommies I encourage planning a few moments each day ‘just for you’.  It might be reading a chapter in you favorite book, a walk to the park, time on the phone with a dear friend, sister, relative, planting flowers, a bubble bath…..  What ever it is for you, plan it into your day!

The following words of Mother Theresa inspire thoughts of peace.  They encourage us to look past the disappointments in life and do our very best anyway!!   I pray they bless and encourage you on your path as much as they have me!

Best Wishes as you travel,   JUDY

 

Words of Wisdom for Life!

These words of wisdom are attributed to Mother Theresa                                                           an AlbanianIndian[4] Roman Catholic nun and missionary.

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.                                            Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.                                          Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends, and some genuine enemies.                                                                                                                                                 Be successful anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you                                                              Be honest and sincere anyway.

If you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.                                                  Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, others may be jealous.                                                         Be happy anyway.

The good you do today will often be forgotten.                                                                              Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it may never be enough.                                                                 Give your best anyway.

 In the final analysis, it is between you and God.                                                                              It was never between you and them anyway.

 

 

Bath Tub Safety For Your Toddler

Our family grew from one child to five in nine years.  Bath tub time was a hoot.  When you youngest was two I would adhere his bath tub chair to the bottom of the tub, fill the tub with warm water to his tummy, and let his siblings hop in and out to get clean.  Our youngest loved being the center of attention and the bath buddy.  Here are a few simple and creative ways to provide safety and comfort for you and your infant or toddler while bathing.  Hope you find them helpful!!!    JUDY

Never leave baby alone anywhere near a body of water!!!!!

1.

 

2.

Summer Infant My Bath Seat

Available at Target for $40

https://www.target.com/p/summer-infant-my-bath-seat-aqua/-/A-75556815?ref=tgt_adv_XS000000&AFID=google_pla_df&fndsrc=tgtao&CPNG=PLA_Baby%2BShopping_Local%2Br200&adgroup=SC_Baby&LID=700000001170770pgs&network=g&device=c&location=9031541&gclsrc=aw.ds&&gclid=Cj0KCQjw753rBRCVARIsANe3o46lQBCZoSiPCw_zOiQYHQfxcS8VD1zNZIOPjNU8ZgrUvVywr7LtIxYaArcxEALw_wcB

{This URL number has proven to be messy.  However, if I adjust it than it does not work as a link.  So click on it and check it out!  Thanks for you understanding.}

This alt value should not be empty if you assign primary image

This gismo adheres to the sides of the tub to hold baby in safely.  Put a few inches of warm water in the tub and baby has a fun time sitting in the chair playing with his toys.  (Never leave baby alone anywhere near a body of water)

 



Tummy Time is Great Developmental Tool for Your Baby!

Tummy Time is a must for the timely physical development of your baby.  You can begin tummy time as early as you wish.  It is not a negative.  It will help develop your baby’s core muscles, neck strength, and roll over capability.  Baby’s who practice tummy time consistently will roll over, sit up and crawl earlier than babies who do not.

You can put your immobile baby on her tummy on a sofa while you sit on the floor.  Your faces will be at the same level.  You can talk and laugh with baby, encouraging her to lift her head and enter act with you.  Quickly she will understand the game and participate.

Another way to have tummy time is for the two of you to lay down on the floor while baby is on her tummy on a blanket.  Again, you are at her level.  The two of you can participate together.  Baby will want to see you and will work on her neck muscles to lift her head.  So much fun!!                   JUDY

8 Tummy Time Tips for Your Baby

WebMD Feature.    By Barbara Brody.   Reviewed By Roy Benaroch, MD   WebMD Home  Health & Parenting Center  Health & Baby Center A Guide to Your Baby’s Sleep and Naps                                                               A Guide to Your Baby’s Sleep and Naps

As a new parent, you have no doubt been told by your doctor to always put your baby on his back every time he sleeps or naps. So you might not realize that it’s also important for your little one to spend some time on his belly while wide awake.

“Tummy time is when your infant lays on his (or) her stomach while supervised,” says Wendy Wallace, DO, a pediatrician at The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia Care Network.

If your baby is always on his back, he might get a flat spot on his head. That’s mostly a cosmetic issue, and one that tends to go away over time. But it might also mean that his head, neck, and shoulder muscles aren’t getting enough exercise. Tummy time is the fix.

When your baby is on his belly, he has to look up, left, and right to see people and objects. Moving his head around helps his skull round out, as well as strengthens his neck, shoulders, and trunk. Later on, these muscles will let him sit up. Eye muscles also get stronger as your little one looks around during tummy time.

Some tots seem to love playing on their tummies. Others might act like they can’t stand it. Keep trying! There are many things you can do to help your baby get comfortable and even have fun in this position.

  1. Go slow.   Some infants will only tolerate a few minutes of tummy time in the beginning. That’s perfectly normal.
  2. Move to his level.   “Tummy time can initially be scary because it’s new,” Wallace says. “Getting down on the ground and doing face-to-face encouragement will reassure a baby that he can do it and it’s OK.”
  3. Use plastic mirrors.   Your baby will probably lift his head to admire his reflection.
  4. Put the baby on your tummy or chest.   Newborns love to lay on a parent and gaze up at their face, Wallace says.
  5. Involve a sibling.   If you have an older child, encourage him to get down on the floor and play with his little brother or sister (while an adult is supervising).
  6. Work it into other activities.   Put your baby on his tummy while you dry him after a bath, smooth on lotion, or burp him (across your lap).
  7. Sing or tell a story.   He’ll raise his head and move around when he hears your voice. Remember to make eye contact, too.
  8. Offer extra support.   Make a bolster out of a thin towel or blanket. Roll it up, put it under your baby’s chest, and stretch his arms forward and over the roll. Be careful to keep his chin, mouth, and nose away from the bolster.

Ten Lessons I Want to Instill in My Kids

As life pushes ahead there are often things along the way we see as valuable.  I found this on Facebook this morning.  These are important lessons.  Save them somewhere for a refresher when you need it.  Your babies will be learning from you the moment they are born.  Keep what you believe to be significant close.  Live what you believe.   You will be glad you did.

Ten Lessons I Want to Instill in My Kids

If you made a mistake, apologize

If you are thankful, show it.

If you are confused, ask questions.

If you learn something, teach others.

If you are stuck, ask for help.

If you are wrong, fess up.

If you love someone, tell them.

If you trip, get back up.

If someone needs help, help them.

If you see wrong, take a stance.

One of Tim McGraws songs, ‘Humble and Kind’ fits this bill beautifully.  Find it on YouTube

Enjoy!                    JUDY