How to Help With Emotional Crisis

As we evaluate America today there are many who are hurting. Being out of work, not able to be with friends and family, financial crisis, uncertainty, and more have everyone off kilter. What always was, the things in which we have confidence have been removed. Governmental over reach, stolen elections, everything is up in the air and many are very upset.

How can we calm the waters and bring peace to the hearts of those in our lives? The following article gives suggestions. If you believe someone in your life is struggling speak with them. Let them know you are there for them. Often just listening relieves the stress level and brings peace. If you do this and do not see a relief of stress seek professional help. The actions of others are not your fault, but they so affect you. Help those who are going down a dark path find help from those trained to serve them. Call help lines, a professional therapist, a psychiatrist, or other professional. A pediatrician or obstetrician would have referrals for these. Do not feel you have to fix the problem yourself. Point your friend or relative in the right direction.

How to Help Emotionally:

Life can be difficult and painful. There are moments when it feels like we are being assaulted from all sides, with difficulties and challenges hurled at us time and time again.  In trying to get through it all, it can seem like we’re just slowly crawling through mud, trying to pull ourselves out and get ahead. Every single person will experience it at some point in their life.  That is why it is so valuable to understand effective ways to help the people around you when you are in a position to make a positive impact.  Helping other people is not only good for that person, but it’s good for your own soul. That being said, it’s a challenging world and there are some difficult people out there.

Kindness and compassion aren’t necessarily soft or gentle. It’s important that you ensure your own health and well-being in the process of trying to uplift another person.  Helping other people in their hour of need can be challenging and confusing at times. That’s why it’s important to keep in mind that… You don’t need to have all of the answers. A person who is going through a difficult time may feel like their problems are insurmountable. Those feelings can be intense and overwhelming even in a situation that is relatively simple. Mental illness makes that kind of situation even more difficult. Depression and anxiety are becoming more widespread, which means that not all of a person’s emotions are necessarily going to be reasonable or rational. Sometimes, life can hand us problems that do not have clear and distinct answers. In trying to help another person, you must remember that you don’t need to have all the answers.

Some problems are so complicated that they require professional help to find answers to. Some problems should not have uninformed opinions foisted on them.  It’s okay to not have answers. You can always help guide the person in the direction of the answers they are looking for.  Presence speaks louder than hollow words.  Words mean very little, which is probably an odd thing to read in a written article. But how many times have you heard from a person that they would always be there for you? Or even that they loved you, and then when you needed them, they were nowhere to be found? The truth is that words are easy, and often shallow. It’s actions that speak loud and clear. People so often look for the right words to comfort someone they care about who is going through something terrible, but there are rarely good words for the worst of situations.  If you feel stuck, something as simple as, “I don’t know what to say, but do know that I’m here for you.” can be powerful. Your continued presence can offer more support and help than an encyclopedia of hollow words.Set aside any distractions and be present with the person. It’s a powerful way to demonstrate to them that they and their problems are important to you.

Anchor the person in reality with a tangible course of action.  A person who is going through hard times will be swamped with emotions that are likely to make it hard to see through or past their pain.  Think of it like a person who is physically drowning. Are they concerned with a boat in the distance? A shoreline? The people or buildings on the shore?  No.  They are in the moment, focused on trying to keep themselves above the surface.  They aren’t necessarily spending their time looking past keeping their head above the water or latching onto something nearby that can keep them afloat. Panic and a drowning response make it difficult to think clearly in such a situation. Emotional distress on dry land is much the same. You can anchor a person back into reality by helping them find a tangible course of action to approach a problem. That often comes down to convincing the person to talk to a relevant professional that can help them with whatever problem it is they are facing.  There is a common misconception about “suicide hotlines” that stems from people calling them suicide hotlines. Most are actually “crisis hotlines” and the operators can help in many more situations than just a person feeling suicidal. Sometimes they can connect a person with services or help that the caller didn’t know was available.

Boundaries are a necessity in trying to help another person.  There is a lot written about the importance of authenticity and closeness with other people. What tends to get brushed over far too often is the absolute need for solid boundaries.  Boundaries serve not only to protect oneself from the turmoil of other people, but they can also help guide another person in a better direction.  By having the ability to say, “What you are doing is not okay with me, and if you keep doing it, I’m stepping away.” you can spend less time worrying about another person taking advantage of you

You are not the other person’s therapist or savior. Ultimately, a person can only truly save themselves. Everything else is just a tool, method of support, or empowerment. Real change and uplifting come from hard work, dedication, and sacrifice. A tool is not useful if a person won’t pick it up and use it. Sometimes, the best way to guide a person into that course of action is by not putting up with repeated, toxic behaviorRepeated is an important word. Sometimes people go through low and difficult times. They make mistakes. Bad things will happen. What truly matters is that the person is actively working to improve their situation. And if they won’t, then your ability to reinforce your boundaries will help keep you safe and well in the process.  Avoid using the word “understand” when trying to relate.The word “understand” is an emotionally charged statement to people who have gone through some horrible things or are presently struggling.  Invoking this word is a tricky thing, because it can build some solid bridges if you can meaningfully demonstrate that you have been in a similar position, but it can also immediately shut the other person down. Why? Because if you say you understand someone’s pain and can’t actually show that to the other person in some way, their defensive walls are going to go up and they stop listening.  Avoid using “understand” when trying to be helpful or there for someone. You don’t need to try to relate to the person’s suffering to help them. Most of the time that will just fall short and make it harder for you to be there for them because they won’t be as open or trusting about what they are going through.

Openness is a major factor in helping others. Authenticity allows people to connect in a way that can provide inspiration and hope in dark places. Your actions demonstrate authenticity far more than your words ever can. Act with kindness and compassion and you’ll find that you can uplift the people you touch far easier than trying to find the right words to convince someone that you understand or relate. Whatever kindness and support you choose to offer and put into the world, do not forget to practice it with yourself. It’s tough out there for a lot of people. A thick skin and solid boundaries are two important parts of keeping yourself well and healthy if you want to help others.

18 Ways To Help A New Mom

“What Can I Do To Help?” This is the question we all find ourselves asking. What can we do for those who have a new baby, are dealing with a major illness, a move, or some other major change in life. This article provides many practical suggestions for friends and family who want to help.

“WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP?” If you say this to a mama and she looks at you like it’s a trick question, don’t give up. Sometimes asking for what we need is tricky, you know?

After my oldest was born and my midwives crept away for some well-deserved sleep, I remember wondering if they’d noticed that I couldn’t figure out how to burp her. I loved my squishy little girl more than my own breath, but it took some time to feel confident as her mama.

Fortunately, my family and friends surrounded me with support, even when I didn’t know what to ask for. Apparently they had a new mom playbook I didn’t know about, and it went something like this . . .

Whether your friend is a first-time mama or a seasoned vet on baby #5, here are some ways you can help . . that ACTUALLY help!

1. Run A Couple of Errands

Text me the day before you’re scheduled to drop off a meal and ask if you can pick anything up on your way: toilet paper, bleach-free pads, natural laundry powder, etc.

2. If I Say No . . .

Text me again a few hours before you stop by. I may have remembered something!

3. Give Me An Afternoon

“Come over about 2 in the afternoon. Hold the baby while I have a hot shower, put me to bed with the baby and then fold all the piles of laundry that have been dumped on the couch, beds or in the room corners.” (Gloria Lemay) Or if there’s no laundry to fold, offer to start a load.

4. Capture A Memory

Chances are I barely managed to get into presentable pj’s before you arrived and I’m not thinking about a photo shoot, but as the saying goes, “If you see something beautiful in someone, speak it.”

Whether it’s my beautiful squishy baby sleeping peacefully, or an older child dressed up in a makeshift costume, if you see something lovely ask me if I’d like you to photograph it. Use my phone, or use yours and send it to me later with a quick note telling me what a great job I’m doing. Even if it’s grainy and not at all professional, your photo may become a treasured memory of a time when not many photos are taken. (See Exhibit A here)

5. Spruce Up My Kitchen

Put a load of dishes in the dishwasher and wipe down my countertops.

6. Make Me An Uplifting Room & Linen Spray

Buy a dark amber 4 ounce glass spray bottle, fill it with organic lavender hydrosol (flower water) or organic rose hydrosol, then tie a bit of baker’s twine or ribbon around the nozzle to make it pretty. Although the shelf life will be about 3 months, which is shorter than this homemade air freshener made with essential oils, hydrosols are more gentle and therefore preferred for use in a home with a brand new baby.

Ask me if I’d like you to spritz my pillow. Oh, and make up a bottle for yourself, too. Let’s be happy together!

7. Don’t Assume

. . . that because I am on my second (or third or fourth!) baby that I don’t need help because I “know what I’m is doing.” I need more help! (Thanks Renee Kohley for this idea!)

8. Speaking Of My Older Kids . . .

Please take them to the park to blow bubbles or kick the soccer ball around. Please do not feed them junk – they turn in to gremlins, I promise! Here are some healthy snack ideas they’ll love.

9. Take Kitty For a Walk

Or if you really love me clean out Fido’s litterbox! (What, you didn’t name your dog after a cat and vice versa?)

10. Put A Sign On My Door

If I’ve shared with you that I’m feeling overwhelmed by visitors, offer to print this sign for me and place it on my front door.

11. Express Your Inner Type A

If you’re the organizing type, help me harness “Is there anything I can do to help?” into real-life results. Create a list of chores to put on the fridge so that friends know what is needed. (Thanks for this idea, Katy Scott!)

12. Invite Me To The Circle

Thinking about birth – mine, yours, or the totally different one down the street – is a great way to help me process my experience. Long conversations can be tiring, but I wouldn’t mind if you gifted me a copy of The Birth Next Door for me to read while I’m nursing in the wee hours.

13. Nourish the Nourisher

Organize a Meal Train and share it with my friends and family. Also send me a link that I can give to anyone who asks about bringing a meal.

If my family is on a restricted diet  – gluten, dairy, sugar, whatever – make sure that vital info gets listed. When you sign up to bring something, make sure to bring me a nourishing meal like egg drop soup and a huge salad with homemade ranch dressing. Here are 25 quick, healthy meal ideas I’ll love you for!

14. Close The Gap

Yeah, there are 3 states between us and you’re totally off the hook, but how awesome would it be if you made the miles vanish into thin air with a visit from a natural cleaning service or box of organic, fair-trade chocolate drop-shipped from Amazon?

15. Send Me This Article

And also maybe this one.

16. Stop By After All The Hullabaloo 

The first two weeks everyone is eager to help, but the adjustment period is much longer. Help around the house, or offer to come with me and hold the baby while I try on nursing bras or pick up some essentials.

17. Leave Quickly

I love you, I REALLY do, but welcoming visitors can be very tiring. So after you’ve done one of these amazing things for me, quietly slip out the door. Did I mention that I love you?

18. Make “Thank You” Taboo

Gifts are not necessary, but if you bring one make sure that it comes with a card that says “Don’t you dare write me a thank you note!

What are your favorite ways to help a new mom?

Is it something that was helpful to you after having a baby, or maybe something you wish someone had done for you?


In years past Happy New Year wishes simply included joy and hopefulness for the incoming year. After 2020 there are many feelings of moving past and on to the future!! 2021 can only improve!! HA! HA!

As we work past this year, where everyone has experienced feelings of fear and confusion, there are different things to consider. Things are still up in the air in many states. If you are fortunate enough to live in one of the states opening up life should return to normal soon. Allowing schools to open and businesses to operate will bring a feeling of normalcy for your children. Our kids are older, dealing with these issues as parents. There have been many conversations about how to help little ones feel safe. Removing masks as soon as possible is essential. The science on the effectiveness of masks is questionable at best. Yet they instill fear in the hearts of kids for many reasons.

Children are learning the meaning of facial expressions, innuendo, and voice fluctuation. Masks hide each of these things. Children are taught to stay away from strangers. With masks on everyone is a potential stranger. Children need smiles and kisses in mass. They need your touch to interpret your mood. They need it for encouragement and peace. When ever possible allow your children to be in the company of others with out masks. The risk of Covid for them is almost nonexistent.

I wish you wonderful things as 2021 unfolds. Have a lovely year!!! JUDY